50+ Funny New Year Jokes for Adults, Kids, and Everyone in Between!

New Year’s Eve is all about laughter, good vibes, and sharing moments with the people you love. That’s why we’ve rounded up 50+ New Year jokes for adults, kids, and everyone in between—perfect for family gatherings, wild parties, or even just a quick laugh over text. From corny dad jokes and cheeky adult humor to kid-friendly punchlines and relatable resolution jokes, there’s something here for every age and sense of humor.

Corny New Years Dad Jokes

Sometimes ringing in the New Year feels a little too serious, and that’s where classic dad jokes come in, perfect for lightening the mood at family parties or office countdowns. If you’ve got a “pun-loving” personality or a group that appreciates harmless silliness, these corny New Years dad jokes will make everyone laugh—and roll their eyes—together.

• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
• What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
• Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
• What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
• What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

Corny New Year's Dad Jokes

Dirty New Year Jokes for Adults

For adult-only gatherings where the champagne is flowing and the jokes can get a little cheeky, dirty New Year jokes for adults are just the thing. They’re meant for close friends, couples, or anyone who enjoys humor with a wink and a nudge, making your midnight countdown even more memorable.

• What do you call it when a snowman throws a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
• What's the difference between a good New Year's Eve and a bad one? A good one you forget, and a bad one you remember.
• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
• Why did the snowman quit his job? He was snowed under.
• What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
• What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
• Why don't snowmen have any children? Because they're always a little frosty.
• What do you call it when a snowman throws a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
• What's a snowman's favorite type of car? A snowmobile.
• What do you get if you eat too many snowballs? A brain freeze.

Dirty New Year's Jokes for Adults

Clean New Year's Jokes for Kids

Parents often struggle to find jokes that are both funny and family-friendly, especially for younger kids eager to join the New Year’s fun. If you’re planning a kid-friendly countdown, These clean New Year's children's jokes are silly, safe, and easy for children to retell.

• What do you say to a snowman on New Year's Eve? "Happy New Year!"
• What can you catch but not throw? A cold.
• What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
• What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers.
• What do you call a group of singing snowmen? A snow choir.
• How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
• What do you call a snowman's dog? A slush puppy.
• What does a snowman have for dinner? Iceberg lettuce.
• What's a snowman's favorite game? Catch!
• Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank.

Clean New Year's Children's Jokes

New Year Jokes One-Liners

Sometimes you don’t want to set up a whole story—you just need something quick and clever. These New Year joke one-liners are perfect for texts, New Year captions, or breaking the ice at a party, ideal for witty personalities or anyone who prefers sharp humor over long punchlines.

• My resolution to eat healthier lasted about as long as it takes to microwave a pizza.
• I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.
• I've finally found the key to a successful New Year's resolution, lower your expectations.
• My gym resolution is straightforward, befriend someone who already goes; social fitness is still fitness, right?
• I'm not dieting this year; I'm just adjusting my inner-tube, it's all about self-love.
• Why make New Year's resolutions when being perfect is so much easier?
• Deciding on colors for New Year's Eve is tough: do I go with glittery gold or practical stain-resistant black to hide the midnight snack mishaps?
• My New Year's resolution is to break my resolutions sooner; procrastination at its finest.
• My resolution was to read more; now, I turn on subtitles when I watch TV.
• New Year's resolutions are like fruitcakes, nobody wants them, but they keep showing up at holiday parties.

New Year Jokes One-Liners

• The only exercise I'll be doing this year is running late, fashionably, of course.
• I asked the calendar for a date; it said, "I'm fully booked, but pencil me in for next year!"
• My resolution is to be more optimistic; but who am I kidding, that'll never happen, it's just wishful thinking.
• Why did the New Year's Eve party not go as planned? It didn't have enough resolution, just pixels!
• Why did the scarecrow avoid making resolutions? It had enough on its plate, of straw!
• I'm not dieting this year; I'm just embracing my love for horizontal life enrichment.
• New Year's resolutions are like babies, fun to make but difficult to maintain.
• My resolution is to read more, starting with warning labels on cleaning products.

New Year Knock Knock Jokes

Knock-knock jokes never really go out of style, and they’re a lifesaver when you need something interactive to keep kids—or even playful adults—engaged. These New Year knock knock jokes below are perfect for family game nights or group settings where participation is part of the fun.

Knock-knock New Year Jokes

• Knock, knock. Who's there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the champagne, it's time to celebrate the New Year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you, and may your New Year be full of joy and laughter! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Just-in time for a fresh start in the New Year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive your resolutions will come true in the coming year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time like the present to celebrate the New Year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta good time to wish you a Happy New Year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Iva. Iva who? Iva good feeling about the adventures awaiting in the New Year!

New Year Knock Knock Jokes

• Knock, knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked; that's why I'm knocking, let's unlock new opportunities in the New Year! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Terry. Terry who? Terry-fic moments await us in the New Year, let's embrace them together! 
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to start the New Year with a good laugh?

Jokes About New Year's Resolutions

Every January, people talk big about resolutions, but we all know how often they fail. That’s why these jokes about New Year's resolutions are so relatable. If you’ve got friends or coworkers who love to poke fun at their own lack of discipline, these funny New Year quotes are the best way to laugh together at the shared struggle of sticking to goals.

• My New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinating... tomorrow.
• I'm going to start exercising more in the new year. Just kidding, I'll stick to my current routine of lifting forks to my mouth.
• My New Year's resolution was to give up chocolate, but I'm already having a rocky start.
• I've decided to make no New Year's resolutions this year. That way, I won't have anything to break.
• My New Year's resolution is to be more organized. I've already lost my list of resolutions.

Funny Jokes About New Year's Resolutions

• I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I realized nobody likes a quitter.
• My New Year's resolution is to be more patient... but I'm already losing my patience waiting for the new year to start.
• I'm so good at making New Year's resolutions, I could do it professionally... if only I could stick to them.
• My New Year's resolution is to stop gossiping... but have you heard about...?
• I'm starting the new year with a clean slate... which is probably why I can't find my to-do list.

Personal House hopes these funny New Year jokes have provided you with the perfect way to spread smiles and start the year with plenty of laughs. Whether you need funny, corny, or something a bit more risqué—there’s something here for everyone to enjoy and share as we welcome the next 365 days with open arms and good humor. So pick your favorites, share them as the countdown begins, and step into the New Year with a smile!